Barney Beagle

ARE ALL BEAGLES AS SMART AS ‘THISEN’—I SAID

YA CAN’T STAY–STRAY!” BUT HE JUST WOULDN’T LISTEN!

ONE LOOK AROUND–AND THEN HE KNEW! HE SAID

“I REALLY THINK ‘THIS’ PLACE’LL DO!”

I HEARD MYSELF SAY—“OK–‘PUP’!–JUST FOR AWHILE

THEN YER TIME IS UP!”

DANG THIS BEAGLE’S ‘CLEVER’ TOO! DID YA EVER

THINK A DOG COULD OUT THINK YOU?

HE LOOKED AT ME—ROLLED HIS EYES—GAVE ME A WINK

THEN TO MY SURPRISE—

HE DID EVERYTHING GOOD! EVERYTHING RIGHT! THE

PERFECT PUP FROM MORNING TIL NIGHT!

DANG THIS BEAGLE HAS NO SHAME! DOES EVERYBODY

ELSE’S BEAGLE PLAY THAT GAME?

I TOOK OUT AN AD WITH A GLOWING REVIEW!

I DIDN’T LIE ONCE—IT ALL WAS TRUE!

“ THIS DANG BEAGLE’S THE BEST DOG EVER!

HEALTHY—LOVING—CUTE—AND CLEVER!”

WELL THE FIRST INTERVIEWS WENT REAL BAD!

THEN I FIGURED IT OUT—THEN i GOT MAD!

“BEAGLE—THE DALMATION CROSS WITH THAT COUPLE WAS

CUTE—YOU’D HAD A GOOD HOME AND A BUBBA TO BOOT!

“ YA KIDDING ME?” SAID BEAGLE “HE WAS HALF PIT BULL!”

“I COULD TELL HE DIDN’T LIKE ME—I AN’T NO FOOL!”

“WELL WHAT ABOUT THAT MOM, DAD, AND SON—THEY HAD

AN OLDER BEAGLE TOO —IT COULD’VE BEEN FUN!”

BEAGLE SAID—“HEY! OLD DOG WAS COOL– BUT DAD

PHYCOTIC!” “BOY—ADD—MOM NEUROTIC!”

“OK Yeah.” I SAID—“BUT THINGS WERE LOOKING UP

WITH THAT COUPLE AND THEIR BEAGLE PUP!”

“ NO SIREE!” BEAGLE MUMBLED— “I NEED TO BE FREE!”

“NO BABYSITTING BEAGLE BRATS FOR ME!”

I SAID “BEAGLE—THIS DECISION’S NOT ENTIRELY

UP TO YOU—I HAVE TO DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO!”

WELL FOLKS THAT BEAGLE FELL DOWN IN TEARS!

I HADN’T SEEN DRAMA LIKE THAT IN YEARS!

HE SAID—“I MISJUDGED YA—YOU SEEMED KIND!”

“YOU SEEMED SO PERFECT TO MY MIND!”

“I COULD SEE US TOGETHER—BUT I GUESS—NO.”

He DROPPED HIS HEAD—GOT UP REAL SLOW.

“GOODBY—ADIOS—I’M BACK ON THE ROAM—JUST

WHEN I THOUGHT–I WAS—ALMOST HOME!”

WELL—-DANG THAT BEAGLE HE GOT ME GOOD!—I PICKED

HIM UP AND TOOK HIM IN—LIKE HE KNEW I WOULD!

“DANG YA BEAGLE—–GUESS YOU’RE HERE TO STAY

I KNEW I LOVED YA FROM THAT VERY FIRST DAY!”

Pat Becker